i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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