im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
