You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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