Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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