Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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