Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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