I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's blow job season.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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