If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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