Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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