mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
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There's always time for handjobs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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