i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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