we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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