:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
