'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
