why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
