took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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