the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
