At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
