How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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