eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
