Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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