3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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