did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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