you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
