Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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