He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
