Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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