if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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