see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
