I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
