making cat noises will not fix the situation.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
