Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize