sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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