Soap is not a condiment
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well I just put wine in my tea
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
