so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize