he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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