Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
