Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
