It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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