I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
