We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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