she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
