What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
