have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
