i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
