I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
