You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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