It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
