I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
