The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
