She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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