This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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