God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
