Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
