I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
