Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
