he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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