drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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