i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
