I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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