I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
