Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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