If i come over, it means nothing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
