when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
