Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
