If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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