I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
